One of the problems with moving alot is the waiting alot. That stagnant period when you are leaving behind your old life again but excited to start your new and playing the waiting game. I am not very good at it, patience, not my strong point, loyalty and continuity unfortunately yes.
Also this time I keep feeling scared. It is a new emotion for me. Not that I have never been frightened. Yes put a spider in front of me and I run. See my children at a cliff edge and panic kicks in, adrenalin flares, voice cranks up a notch, I stand paralysed trying with depesperate restraint not to impose my irrational fears on them.
This scared differs though, some would call it anxiety but it is too quiet an emotion to be thus.
Age, death, fear of not having lived well. Less choices left to make and less time to correct mistakes made.
This house we buy is not the one I have fixated on, a big choice, yes an old house as always but a big house, 500msq plus attics big, can only be that.
Maybe I must remember it is just that, bricks and mortar. Houses sometimes workout. When they don't you move on, buy another, use it as a base for a life not actually make 'it' a life. Alas! maybe that is what I am scared of ?
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| A big fireplace in a big house, I try to imagine Christmas, It helps with the doubts. |
Your fears of age, death, of not having lived well. How well I can identify with you! I think we all feel that way from time to time. Try to keep in mind the things you liked about the new house and which caused you to buy it in the first place. In the meantime, thinking of you with love, xoxox
ReplyDeleteHi and thank you for the visit. Took your advice and we went skiing Saturday. All the family loves it and the house is only an hour from a ski resort as opposed to the 2 1/2 hour drive we currently have. One of the main reasons for a relocation. Xx
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